When Facebook is Broken...

Submitted by frumpadingeysaurus on

frumpadingeysaurus's picture

...I remember that I can come here to tell you that Dusty farted and tried to blame it on a lightning bug.  "That's the sound they make when their light goes off."

 

Does anybody else miss the long form rambling that used to take place here?  Feel like your brain might be atrophying from the brevity required by facebook and twitter?  I kinda do.  But no have word now for to rectify it.  huhuh.  "Rectify."  We all need to practice using our words!  I say we do it here.  HERE!  

Now to see if anybody even actually reads and responds......

Forums: 

Uncle Arthur's picture

Broken!

Submitted by Uncle Arthur on

Facebook was broken!??! It became very slow last night, and I worried. Facebook! FACEBOOK!!! Don't leave me! You are my all, my everything....

 

You guys need to come up for Doo Dah parade. Night Ranger is playing tonight at Greek Fest! HOOBASTANK.

I can't think of anything else to say. How do I post a photo of smug Gene Wilder?

Tree's picture

A story thirty five years in the making

Submitted by Tree on

When I woke up Tuesday morning, there was a “May the force be with you” iron-on patch on the kitchen counter. Ronnie had found it in his room, and he left it there for me. I had purchased it over 30 years ago, and at some point, I’d given it to him to put on a jean jacket. Anyway, he’d found it while packing for his trip to Yellowstone and thought I’d want it back. I stuck it in my wallet.

 

A couple of hours later, I was sitting at my desk when a co-worker brought me a Mylar “Happy Birthday” balloon. My birthday was earlier in the month, but they were celebrating all the May birthdays that day. They had donuts and a fruit tray and some other stuff. Anyway, a lady I work with, who also had a balloon, made some comment about how she thought it ironic that she was shorter than me, but her balloon was taller. (It had a longer string.)

I told her that I’ll never forget the first time I saw a Mylar balloon.

 

It was the Winter of 77-78. I think it was January. My Mom and Stepdad took my brothers and I to a car show at Wings Stadium. I was 12, they would have been 9 and 4. Star Wars had been released  about 6 months before that, and we were really excited because Darth Vader and R2-D2 were going to be at the show, along with several Star Wars themed vehicles. The custom cars were cool, and we especially dug the Star Wars Van and Chopper.

Sadly, Darth and R2 were a total let down. Darth was shorter than me (I was about 6’1” at the time) and I was pretty sure I saw boobs under that black bathrobe. R2 was made out of wood. His “head” twisted back and forth, and a couple of lights blinked on and off while a tape recorder played looped beeps and tweets.

 

But, just as we were leaving, we saw the balloons. I’d never seen anything like them, they were beautiful! All silver, with no silly slogans or flowers, just a bouquet of

metal space balloons! My brothers and I freaked out. We just had to have them. Mom bought one for each of us, and we just knew it was the future now. They totally made up for Boob Vader the splintery robot. As we left the building, we held them close, and not by the strings because we were afraid them might get away.

 

Then disaster struck. All three of the balloons were deflating! Oh my god, we’d broken them! We figured the zippers on out coats had snagged them and now were stuck in the stupid present with some crappy foil garbage bags. We piled into the car, and by the time we left the parking lot we hated Star Wars.

Stupid fake robot, stupid cheap golf club tube light-sabre, stupid tin foil…

 

Suddenly, our balloons started to come back to life! Holy crap, they were inflating again, all by themselves! These were the most magical balloons in the world! Space balloons! We LOVED Star Wars! We LOVED our balloons! We loved the future again!

 

So as I’m finishing the story, something popped into my head. I pulled out my wallet and produced the patch my Son had left on the counter, showed it to the lady I’d been talking to and said, “Actually, I bought this patch that day, from the same guy that sold my Mom the balloons!”

frumpadingeysaurus's picture

HELL YES FUTURE SPACE BALLOONS!

Submitted by frumpadingeysaurus on

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!  See?!  Tree shows us how it's done again!  That story made me as happy as the story of Danny the Fucking Penny Thief! 

And Uncle Arthur, I've been feeling bad about my horrible neglect of flickr lately, too.  I used to be all OVER that crazy site, and actually made me some invisible internet friends through it! 

Facebook has just been sort of.....Iiiiiiii dunno lately.  Format's limited, timeline is fucking things up, and sometimes I just want to come back to this here club-house of magical jibba-jab.

wizzybit's picture

I did have a nice 2004 flashback....

Submitted by wizzybit on

I was able to read this from work, but professionally unable to post until I got home. Aw, the internet. Changing the way we relate. Crazy.

I don't have any good stories. I've got 15 minutes until I have to try and put false eyelashes on again. As you know, I am quite girly, but this seems to be beyond me. It's kind of hilarious. I should make a photo essay, and post it on Flickr. I have a blog that the 6 of you read, so I guess I get my paragraphs on over there these days, and I could put something over there about my adventures in eyelashes. But, and this makes me happy in a way, too, I will probably just struggle with it and forget it. Be in the moment, you know. Or really not in the moment, because I'm trying to put on false eyelashes with glue, which is possibly the least genuine thing a woman could do. Well, I guess I could put false boobs on or a wig or something, but I'm not a drag queen. I could ramble on about what makes a woman (vagina? the year of the vag?) but that's what you wanted after all, yes?

Six minutes!

frumpadingeysaurus's picture

also...

Submitted by frumpadingeysaurus on

...i've been racking my brain for good stories, too, but this stupid week that punched me in the mental face repeatedly has left me stupified and depleted.  here's to beer, the source of and answer too all life's problems!  I will have you tonight, beer, my love!  Oh, yes.  I will have you TONIGHT. 

Mitt O'Chondria's picture

Baby food is bland

Submitted by Mitt O'Chondria on

I was able to watch Star Wars for the first time after a 3 hour drive with my mom to the big city of Pueblo, CO and had to dissolve popcorn held by my lips in front of my teeth due to my weird braces because my jaw was wired shut. I still vastly enjoyed the movie. I had managed to break my jaw earier in the summer of 1977, the year Star Wars came out. I was attempting to ride my mom's bicycle down a steep paved road at the Great Sand Dunes Monument one morning, where my mom had a summer job in the park ranger's office. I survived, minus a number of broken teeth, and metal wires in my jaw to this day. I had a summer of liquid meals consisting of incredibly flavorless salt-free baby food and milkshakes. 

Later that year, my cousin L came to visit us in Alamosa, CO from Denver and apparently had not seen Star Wars yet. So my mom planned to take him to see Star Wars at the Grove theater, which was odd, because it tended to show the more adult R rated movies, compared to the family-friendly Rialto theater down the street. Even more disturbingly, during the screening of the movie, some drunk guy kept freaking out, yelling and trying to start a fight with some other patron several rows down in front of us. At some point this intoxicated macho idiot suddenly stood up, started yelling obscenities, and poured his drink on the other guy he was unhappy with. Then a large number of other annoyed male patrons got up and proceeded to pound the guy starting all the ruckus in the first place, I think he was forcibly removed from the theater, police were called, and we may have left ourselves, I just don't remember if we saw the rest of the movie.

I think my cousin got a lot more excitement out of this event of random violence than watching the actual Star Wars movie. He was in Kazoo, visiting me a few years back, and we went to see a K-wings hockey game. Some type of fight was about to start between a bar patron or two and and a large number of bouncer-type security employees were called in. I was eager to leave the lounge and avoid flying chairs breaking my jaw again, but my cousin wanted to stay and watch the possible brawl.  I have to wonder if this was because of the 1977 "Star Wars drunk incident" that showed him what real entertainment was all about; namely, people beating the crap out of someone in public. Fortunately for me at least, the troublesome hockey patron backed down and left the lounge peacefully after being confronted by large number of other males.

cinnamon girl's picture

f ADHD book

Submitted by cinnamon girl on

I fear I may have obtained ADHD from facebook, I made it through Ron's story (and looked for the like button as well), but then I had a really difficult time reading anything more than a sentence :(

Anyway, I miss being here.  I miss not having to wade through teen angst and super christian posts looking for the occasional lol/and updated wonka meme.

So, yes.  Let's get this forum rollin'  I will be on summer vacation soon and looking for ways to waste hours upon hours, while brushing up on speaking in more than one sentence, while trying not to offend 10 of my 300 friends.

 

frumpadingeysaurus's picture

FaBULoussssss!

Submitted by frumpadingeysaurus on

Speaking of cooters, kind of, but not really.....did you know that down here they call beanbag-toss with the angled boards with targets and holes cut in it "Cornhole?"  It's a popular outdoor game to have at work parties and BBQ's and any variety of laid-back hipster watering holes.  "Hey!  They've got Cornhole!"  I don't know how to tell people that where I come from, this term has more to do with non-consensual prison sex than with innocent beanbag fun.   Also, the first time a flyer showed up at work announcing "COME TO THE COOKOUT FOR GOOD FOOD AND FUN GAMES LIKE CORNHOLE!" I stole one with EVERY INTENTION of mailing it anonymously to Kasdork.  But I forgot, I think. The end. 

frumpadingeysaurus's picture

cinnamon!

Submitted by frumpadingeysaurus on

I think we must have been typing at the same time.  I just saw your post!  And i agree.  I feel endumb-ened by facebook right now.  One step at a time!  Right now:  Hemingway-esque sentences.  Soon:  back to the Joycean ramblings.